Starting Over
by Andiefan
Summary: Pacey finds spending time with Andie leads them both in unexpected directions


**Wandering Heart**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Dawson's Creek. **

**Coupling: Pacey/Andie **

**Rating: Pg-13 **

**Shout Outs: To my friend Jo for proofing and to ellasblues for her encouragement. **

**Summary: This is set after the finale. It is the Saturday after Pacey left for Capeside and his new life. **

**_Chapter Two: Starting Over_**.

_Well, this is it, _he told himself, _my new life starts here_.

It was a little before nine and Pacey was standing outside Andie's building trying unsuccessfully to calm himself. It seemed like it was a lifetime since he had said goodbye to Joey but as he looked again at his watch he reminded himself that only some 36 hours had passed since he had caught the taxi to the train station.

He was looking around absentmindedly when he heard his name being called.

"Pacey!"

And there she was. All of sudden he was lost for words. She didn't just look beautiful; he couldn't find the words to describe her because beautiful just didn't cut it. At that very moment those feelings he had that he'd thought were just a pleasant memory from their past overwhelmed him. They were real, they were strong and they could be returned with interest from her. That much he knew in that moment.

"Hey McPhee, you look amazing." He gave her a hug.

"You don't look too bad yourself Witter. Being a high-powered chef agrees with you." She smiled at him and whatever restraints he had placed on his feelings for her let go. All the words he wanted to say, all the words he had rehearsed on the way to Boston threatened to tumble out in a torrent. He caught himself in time and held out his arm to Andie. She hooked her arm through and they headed off to the café. Once they were settled in and the pleasantries completed, Pacey told her about the last 48 hours and the reason he called her seemingly out of the blue. Of the all the things Andie had thought Pacey would tell her this was the furthest from her mind. It took a few minutes for it to sink in. Pacey sat there looking anxious while Andie digested this change in the romantic landscape.

Andie broke the silence. "So let me see if I have got this right. Ok?"

"Uh huh."

"Right. You have left Joey because while you love her, but you're not in love with her right?"

"Yes."

"Ok. And now you're here telling me that you love me, can't live without me?"

"Yup. I realise that this is out of the blue McPhee but it's what I feel."

"And you left Joey because she still loves Dawson?"

"Well, not exactly. But he will always be in the way Andie. And I don't have that with you. I never could. There's no triangle here to get in the way."

"Pacey it's not that simple. I have a career. I don't have any time for relationships right now." She gave him a sad look. _Oh Pacey, why this? Why now? _She thought.

"I know. So, I am prepared to wait for you McPhee." He smiled at her, hoping she understood how genuine he was.

"For me?" Clearly Andie thought he was out of his mind.

"Yes you! Don't you see? I love you McPhee. I have always loved you and now I am in love with you. Didn't I always tell you that we would be back together happy, healthy and more in love than ever?"

"But Pacey, that was a dream. You told me that because I was leaving you and you wanted to give me something to hope for."

"So? It just took more time than I thought. It doesn't change the fact that I'm here, I'm in love with you and I want to be together with you in whatever way I can." Pacey was going for broke. He knew the stakes were such that he had to be completely vulnerable and let her see his love shining through.

"But Pacey? This isn't high school anymore. We both have busy lives, people who need us, responsibilities. You're not running away from yours are you?"

"Who needs you more than me McPhee? I like the man I am when I am with you. Joey doesn't need me. In a way she never has. Anyway, who needs you?" Pacey posed the question hoping there wasn't a guy she was seeing.

"And no Andie, I'm not running away. I am running towards something. Something I need in my life...you."

"But Pacey, I don't want to be the one to break you and Joey apart. Are you sure it's not just because you're unhappy? Joey is my friend Pacey, how can I do this to her, we do this to her?"

Pacey took this small crumb of hope and ran with it. "So...there's a we here?

Andie didn't answer him or deliberately ignored him. She was very fidgety and biting her lower lip. Pacey's words had unsettled her. He felt he needed to carry on.

"You're not doing anything Andie. It's me all me. McPhee, I hate that it had to happen this way. I hate that I had to hurt Joey in this way but, in the end, its better this way. Would you want me to be miserable and shackled with her?"

Andie reached out and patted his arm. "No Pacey. I want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted. That's why I told you to go her back then. You had to do it Pacey. You were in love with her-"

Pacey interrupted her. "Yeah, McPhee I thought I was in love. But it wasn't real. It never could be. It's Dawson you see?"

"What does Dawson have to do with it?"

"Everything and nothing Andie. Joey and me and him were in this twisted thing that isn't good for any of us and I was always looking over my shoulder for Dawson, knowing that Joey had to have is sanction for us to be together."

"It wasn't like that Pacey." Andie was trying to process what he was saying. All that time and here he was desperately unhappy in front of her telling her he loved her and needed her. _What had I missed_ she thought.

"It was McPhee. You know she found a ring that her ex was going to give her and she fled New York don't you?"

"No, when?"

"Just before we lost Jen. I'm sorry to say that I was in a bad place McPhee, I was fooling around with a married woman."

"Pacey?" Andie was surprised. She knew he had been with a few women but she'd never thought he would sleep with a married woman. .

"Don't worry; I got bashed for my troubles by the husband."

"I'm sorry Pacey." And she was genuine.

"Yeah well." He paused and took her hand. "Who knew that all I needed was you in my life again Andie. When I saw you in the hospital, it opened up something I thought I had put aside forever McPhee. My feelings for you.

"What do you mean?"

"The thing is McPhee, when I saw you all these feelings that I used to have rushed back into my heart. And I'm not sorry they did. Cause you opened my eyes. Seeing you again reminded me that for a while I was truly happy. At that was the time I was with you."

"But Pacey, I cheated on you." Andie's heart and mind were racing. She was trying to find reasons why she shouldn't kiss him right now and stop this rigid self control she had built up. She had to because of the pain of losing Pacey the first time around, almost dying from the ecstasy and the drive she had to achieve her goals at medical school.

"So? Andie, I forgave you and now, it's forgotten. We were teenagers Andie. You were sick and scared and alone. Look, for what it's worth, if it had been me, I think I would have done the same thing."

"But Pacey, this is too much. You can't just turn up on my doorstep and proclaim that you love me. It's a little overwhelming." _That's an understatement Andie, _she thought.

"Well, I wanted you to how I feel. Andie I never expected to be feeling this way but I do and I don't what to miss out again. You know what?"

"Tell me."

"I was stupid. I should have gotten back together with you." This was almost too much for Andie to handle.

"But-"

"No, hear me out. I'm not saying that we would be a couple still. But I regret not trying again Andie. I regret letting my pride and hurt dominate my feelings for you. Because the thing is you see, I could have missed out on a lot of heartache."

Andie didn't know what to say. There were the words she had longed to hear from Pacey back in a different time and place. She wasn't that girl anymore. Of course she loved Pacey, she always would. For what he did for her, how he rescued her when she needed someone the most, and the way he loved her with all his being. But that was teenage passion. That dramatic "cant-live-without-you" love. She had her career now. She had opportunities to work abroad to further herself and now here he was, sitting there smiling at her with that grin that just melted her heart.

"Pacey, oh Pacey. Why couldn't you have come when I was at Harvard? Why didn't you tell me this back then? Of course I still have feelings for you. Pacey you were my first love, and it a way, I never quite got over our break-up...but that was years ago Pacey I thought we had both moved on."

"But did you Andie? Really? I can't remember anyone serious in your life since you left Capeside."

"So? What of it?" She had turned from anxious to defensive with this comment.

"But doesn't that tell you something?"

"Tells me what? That I have not had a serious boyfriend? Do you know how competitive Harvard is Pace? To get into medical school is tough, in fact almost impossible. I devoted those first two years at school to getting into this programme. I wasn't going to throw that away for some short term fling. Sure, I hung out with friends and I dated occasionally but nothing serious Pacey. I just never had the time. Even now, as a resident, I am still on call most of the time."

She paused and laughed to herself. "But as ever Pacey, your timing is impeccable."

"What do you mean McPhee?"

"Well Pacey, you chose to crash back into my life when I have a weekend off. That's irony isn't it Pacey? Now it's you crashing back into my life again. Where's your police car?"

"Funny ha ha McPhee, but I'm serious. I do love you and I want to be with you and if it means waiting then I'm happy to wait."

"But Pacey, I can't give anything definite right now. I may not be working in Boston for long. You have your responsibilities in Capeside and New York and I can't ask you to abandon those to follow me."

"Andie that is why I love you and why I had to leave Joey behind. Don't you see? She expected me to abandon my life here and follow her to LA and then watch Dawson and her play that game they play so well."

"But Pacey you know that Dawson is getting married?"

This stopped Pacey in his tracks. _Dawson getting married? The last time they had spoken he had not bought it up. It can't be Joey, can it?_ _No it can't be_ he thought given Joey's notorious indecisiveness.

"No I didn't. How did you find out?"

"Jack called me last night. Seems as though Dawson has found a girl to replace Joey. Her name is Alana and from what Jack said, she's a dead ringer for Joey. So I don't know if he's moved on at all."

"Typical Dawson. I should've guessed. He's not over her, he never could be. You know, I feel sorry for her."

"Who? Joey or Alana?"

"Both. But mainly Alana. I wonder what'll happen when Joey arrives in LA. I can't see Dawson staying committed to her for too long once a newly freed Joey is on the scene."

"Pacey, you're being very cynical. Or should I say bitter?"

"I'm sorry McPhee."

They smiled at each other and finished their meals. The time had slipped by and now it was almost eleven. Pacey asked Andie if she would like to go for a walk. She agreed and they left the café. They fell back into the habits of a couple even without them noticing. They walked down to the Faneuil Hall Marketplace and strolled amongst the carts and the shops. It felt so comfortable being together for both of them. They casually chatted, both of them deciding to put the serious conversation in the café temporarily aside. They found a nice kebab place that Pacey knew and sat down at an outside table in the marketplace, content to watch the Saturday crowds go by.

Pacey felt the tension drain away as he sat in the warm sun. It felt like a dream. He was sixteen again and head over heels in love with this beautiful girl. But that was the one thing that had changed, he kept reminding himself, Andie was not a girl anymore, she was this beautiful woman. He couldn't quite put his finger on what it was. The nearest he could manage was that despite her age, Joey would always be that little girl lost, holding on to Dawson for dear life so that her sense of abandonment could be eased. Andie had been a sad, unwell girl he loved, but she had changed. She'd moved on, become confident, strong and at ease with herself. It just seemed to radiate from her. This was the spell she had cast upon him.

Andie turned and looked at him, seeing the passing emotions in his eyes. She was trying to maintain some semblance of control. Pacey coming back into her life like this was the last thing she had ever expected. That phone call on Thursday night had piqued her interest. But when Pacey laid it out for her this morning, saying all the things that in spite of what she told herself, she had always dreamed she would hear, she had no idea of how to react. Throughout her time in Italy and back home at Harvard and now at Mass General, she always carried a little seed of hope that one day; he would come back, that he would choose her over Joey.

Pacey began to speak. "You know, I am thinking about how Thackeray ended _Vanity Fair_, you know, which of us, having met his desire, is satisfied?"

"_Vanity Fair? _I thought you were talking about the magazine. When did you start reading nineteenth century literature Witter?"

"You'll be surprised McPhee. I think a little of Joey rubbed off on me. Anyway, what do you say?"

"About having met my desire? You know the answer Pacey."

"I guess I do. But let me tell you this Andie. When we caught up again, I did meet my desire and I am satisfied. My desire is you McPhee."

Andie blushed. "You were always the charmer Witter".

They spent the time after lunch just wandering aimlessly, just content to be with each other. They caught up on the past and tentatively talked about the future. Pacey was eager to push the subject but chose to restrain himself. They ended the day back at Andie's place.

"Movie night McPhee? I thought we'd moved on from movie nights?"

"Look Pace. This is my weekend off. It's just nice to have some peace and quiet without the demands of my work. I'm sorry if it is too boring for you New York types. I suppose when you were with Joey you were out every night of the week?"

Pacey laughed. "Well actually, we did seem to go out a lot. Book launches, art gallery openings, music clubs. Joey had a pretty full social calendar. I kinda just fitted in where I could. With the Icehouse and the hotel chain, I was pretty busy myself."

The DVD started and they settled down on the couch. As the movie played Pacey looked down to see that they were holding hands. It had happened without a conscious thought. He found himself also gently stroking her hair and massaging her neck. To him, they were sixteen again in Dawson's room or her bedroom watching movies. A state that was so comfortable and so natural for both of them. Andie snuggled closer into Pacey and stroked his leg, she felt loved, comforted and secure.

Soon enough she pulled away from him and looked deep into his eyes. She gently turned her head to one side and kissed him. She broke the kiss and they held their positions with their eyes closed. She had muted the sound and it felt like they were the only two people in the world. The only sound they could hear was each others gentle breathing.

Pacey placed his hand on her cheek, gently brushed her hair behind her ear and leaned in and returned her kiss. This time they didn't stop. The kiss became deeper and more passionate. Pacey held her face in his hands while Andie's hands played with his hair at the base of his neck. She let herself be laid back on the couch and Pacey gingerly placed himself on top so he could keep kissing her. His kisses moved down her neck and her breath became ragged and she began to softly moan.

"Oh Pacey, oh Pacey...oh..,"

Andie bought his face to hers again and kissed him with all the passion she possessed. She was going over the edge and she didn't care.

"Make love to me." She whispered.

Pacey pulled away to look at her. Seeing the eagerness and love in her eyes, he pulled himself off the couch and offered her his hand. Helping her up, they moved towards the bedroom.

Once in the bedroom, they undressed and began to explore the each other's once familiar landscape. While Pacey was nibbling her neck, Andie whispered.

"Pacey, it's been a while. You'll need to be gentle with me. Oh, god, I feel like we're back in your car..."

Pacey stopped and looked at her with a knowing smile. "What do you mean McPhee?"

"Pacey you're the last person I made love with."

"Really?" Pacey was aghast. This oh so casual bit of information cooled his passion. _Had it been that long?_ Although he thought he might regret it for curiosity's sake he had to ask.

"Andie, you mean that time onboard True Love?"

"Yes." She softly replied. "You'll be surprised how much energy you can devote to your studies when your sex life is dormant." She laughed. "I put all my sexual frustration into my study Pacey. Why do you think I got such good grades?" She giggled.

Pacey laughed. "But I thought that..."

"Thought I spent my time in Italy romancing some Italian stud? Sorry Pacey. I got plenty of offers but they weren't you. I'd been so hurt by our break-up that the thought of making love with someone else was scary, too scary for me. It was easier in the end to push those feelings aside and put my energy into getting over you and building my new life at college. Anyway, in the end Italy was a temporary stop. My life has always been here Pacey, not there. "

Pacey was side on to Andie resting his head on one arm while his other hand gently stroked her body. This was the one thing he hadn't dreamed in the time these feelings for Andie had returned.

"Andie, I...um...look I don't want to do this if you're not ready. We don't have to make love."

Andie looked apprehensively at Pacey who had withdrawn his hand. She reached out and took it into hers

"No, no...honey...it's just that..."

"It's ok McPhee. We don't have to do this if you feel uncomfortable."

"Pacey! Stop being so reasonable and the perfect boyfriend." She said more out of frustration than anger. "It's just that I maybe a bit rusty." She smiled nervously.

Pacey grinned. "It's ok". He punctuated his words with a kiss. "It's. Just. Like. Riding. A. Bike."

Andie shook with laughter. "I bet you say that to all the girls Pacey."

He laughed. "Nah, just to the ones I like."

She turned serious then. "Or the ones you love?"

Her words got his full attention.

"Pacey, let's forget the foreplay. I need you right now." She pulled his head towards hers and thy came together in a passionate kiss.

Just before all rational thought left his mind, Pacey knew he was falling back in love with Andie McPhee, only this time it would be forever. But made it that much sweeter, was the fact that she was falling in love with him again as well.

_My life couldn't get any better, could it? _He thought.


End file.
